My life is perfect in this moment. It is truly perfection as it was something I attracted to myself. Are there challenges? Absolutely, but they are challenged I attracted to myself to achieve the growth that I need to be a better person and to heal my soul.
My journey is about healing the soul that decided to take a ride with me. In believing that, as I do, it is about healing it in a way to bring contrast into my life. That contrast makes this moment perfect, thus my life is perfect.
I am learning to say that I am perfectly imperfect. My life is the same way. My awareness of my thoughts and seeing the contrast as good instead of woe is me is a positive step in my growth.
I think about this daily. I know it’s on its way. I know all I have to do is lose the resistance to it and it will sail right in.
I don’t when it’s coming or in what form, but it is certainly on its way to me.
I could choose to lament about my financial situation or I can focus on that amazing abundance that is coming my way. I am letting go of the form, the resistance, and most importantly the when it is coming.
Why? Because everything works out for me. I take the lessons I have been so gratefully given and using them to get to Kelly 2.0.
I have more transformation to do and it is fun, but for now, I am just letting go of the how, when, where, and why of my ship coming in. Instead I am focused on the joy that it is on its way.
A quote attributed to the amazing poet, Emily Dickinsin. I love this quote! I heard it on a now defunct TV show called Forever. It stuck with me.
Living moment to moment is a glorious way to live. Each moment is a bubble and add all those bubbles up and you get forever. That’s a might long time.
This morning, I woke up cranky, as it is cold by SoCal standards. It got down in the 40s. I had a comforter, 2 throw blankets on, and 2 layers of clothes in bed overnight to keep warm. Cold makes me cranky.
But the cold, like everything else, is only temporary. That “now” is fleeting. It won’t be cold for long. I turned on my space heater. Boom. The cold was gone.
Every now is temporary. In the next moment you can change that thought. And the next one and the next one remembering they are just temporary nows making up forever.
Your soul is forever. My soul is forever. I know it is colder in other places, but comparison is the thief of joy. I don’t compare. I compare the moment before and after, but that’s about it. I do this even when I am cranky.
So my goal is to string along a bunch of happy nows to bring about that feeling I want to manifest, which is satisfied. I love the satisfied feeling so much! String along a bunch of satisfied nows and all you wish & desire will be there for you.
I love you and cherish you. Yes, even you carrying shame. Yes, even you carrying guilt. All those feelings are temporary. Find something to be proud of in that moment, string a few of those proud nows and you got something special.
To find a successful vocation, you have to find what fascinates you. I have a book from Sally Hogshead about this. I used to follow her on twitter as I truly was fascinated by it.
As I journey through life, I have noticed the thread of what
fascinates me. In 1981 or thereabouts I
checked out a computer from my hometown Iowa library. I was fascinated as to how it works. Needless to say that started a fascination
with computers. As a senior in high
school we got to take a computer programming class. We used a teletype machine that sent the code
to the local university and executed something called BASIC (Beginners
All-Purpose Symbolic Instructional Code).
That process and the code fascinated me.
In September 1987, I signed up to be an inaugural student in
a computer-programming curriculum at the bank I worked at in Omaha. We had to go through a series of 4 interviews
including the IT (Information Technology) Director. I got in.
14 months later, December 1988, I had my first computer-programming
job. Again, it fascinated me.
In 1998 I was a consultant working at a major foods maker in
Omaha when I told my company I wanted work in client-server instead of
mainframes. They put me on a contract at
a construction company that was implementing PeopleSoft. I didn’t know a thing, but its code,
fascinated me. I remember buying an
Oracle Database book to understand how the database tables were set up and of
course fascinated by PeopleSoft’s Human Resources application that we were
Sports have been a constant thread in my life since I was a
kid. We went to our 1st major
league baseball game in 1968. Giants and
Twins in Minneapolis. I played sports as
a kid and managed sports teams in high school, as I was not an athlete but I
wanted to be near the action. I managed
the basketball teams for 2 years, the football team for all 4 years and track
my senior year in 1983. Sports have been
there almost my entire life. I even had
a Cubs fan club as a kid in Iowa, ha! I
remember exactly where I was in 1986 when the Red Sox lost the World Series to
the cocaine Mets. I cried. It hurt.
Sports have always fascinated me.
As a person who watched a lot of sports, I was fascinated by
how live sports television was and is produced.
I’ve listened to podcasts about it.
It truly fascinates me. I have
been applying for production assistant, associate producer and producer jobs
all over Los Angeles.
Another thing that fascinates me is being a TV
showrunner. A showrunner by definition
is this: the person who has overall creative authority and management
responsibility for a television program.
There is a great documentary circa 2014 on this that I
watched and took notes on, TWICE! It
fascinates me to no end. I truly love being a producer as I am damn
good at elevating others and listening to what people really need. To write my own TV show and have it produced
In the end, how things work has always fascinated me. This has led me to the next amazing chapter
of my life. I am truly fascinated how TV
shows work and how live sports programming works. If I land in either profession, I will be a
lucky man being able to do what I love and get paid for it.
Remember, what you do to pay the bills should be your
vocation, your calling, not a job or even a career. Your vocation should fascinate you.
People write down goals, which are an on-off switch game. If you don’t achieve them, you failed. I’m not a huge fan of goals like that. Years ago, I hired a life coach because before that I was writing down goals every year and nothing happening. I knew I needed help! My journey of self-discovery has led me here.
This year, it is about manifesting feelings for me,
beautiful, glorious feelings. Because
for me with those feelings the “on-paper” goals will sort themselves out
One of my biggest goals of the year is to manifest the
sacredness of me. That feeling is
amazing when I am in that state of mind.
I feel powerful and undeterred by most anything.
Underneath this sacredness is feeling confident in the
boundaries I give to myself.
Boundaries have always been a challenge for me. I love the connection to another human
being. When I have a good conversation
with another human being it is glorious and I FEEL filled up. Because of that, I tend to lose boundaries in
this exchange. I will tell people things
so I can get that feeling. And then my
boundaries will get violated.
I will manifest the feeling of boundaries in 2019.
Sacredness is also about knowing my self-worth. Again, I love the connection to another and
love to help. That said, I tend to give
away my services for free because I love that connection.
I will manifest the feeling of the sacredness of my
self-worth in 2019.
Sacredness is also about feeling whole. I have my addictions that I am slowly doing
away with. Folks, addictions are not
just alcohol, drugs, and/or sex. They
are social media, sexting, sports, and so on.
I am seeing my truths in this area of my life. As for feeling whole, that is also accepting
these weaknesses as well as my strengths.
All of those things make me whole.
I will manifest the feeling of feeling whole in 2019.
The feeling of magic is awesome! It’s just the unexpected pleasures of life
manifesting easily. I love this
feeling. There is magic everywhere if
you really look for it.
I will manifest the feeling of magic in 2019!
Abundance was my theme for December 2018. I have learned to understand the feeling of abundance in my life even with my financial disparity. To me, that is freaking glorious and awesome and any other superlatives like that.
I will continue to manifest the feeling of abundance in
I think about feeling satisfied a lot. I love this word and how it feels! It just rolls off the tongue nicely and feels
good inside when I am satisfied. I
cannot explain it. It is truly living in
the moment feeling of being satisfied.
I will manifest the feeling of being satisfied in 2019!
Finally, all of these feelings will align with the normal
goals that I have for myself. Each of
them will allow me to feel great with sacred boundaries, sacredness of my worth,
feeling whole with who I am, feeling abundance in my life and feeling satisfied
in every moment.
You don’t need money to feel abundance. This is my key theme the last month. While I may not have the bank account to buy anyone gifts or even buy myself a gift, I do have a huge bank account in abundance. I really do.
I get to feel happy. By me being happy even though I live a sparse life, that is truly paying it forward.
I know my financial abundance is coming. I can feel it. I feel it every morning. So instead of being in a lacking state of mind, I choose, yes choose, to be in an abundance mindset.
This room I work in every morning is my tiny house. It has almost everything I need except a fridge and stove. It really does have it all! It is so full of abundance.
As on the “manifest it now” podcast says, you should make room for abundance to be in your life. I am making room for that abundance by being happy and eliminating more and more “stuff” from my tiny home.
By being happy also helps me pay it forward with friends and family and those that read this Instagram post. Maybe, just maybe my abundance mindset is paying it forward so others can feel it too.
This is why I don’t watch or read the news; at all. The news is not filled with stories of abundance. You’re hard pressed to find that. I don’t know what is going on out there save for my sports obsessions. And I love it!
I stayed off twitter for almost a month. My mind cleared up. I am no longer thinking of tweets or snarky retorts but now thinking of abundance.
So, adopt that abundance mindset regardless of your bank account. You can help yourself and pay it forward to those that interact with you.
The sun rises and sets every day.It’s something we cannot control.Stars shine in our night sky.It takes roughly 4 years for the light of that star to reach us.This is out of our control.
I’m a calculated risk taker.I like controlled outcomes.It’s why I am a good film producer.In my dating life even I seek controlled outcomes.Yet, life is what happens when we are busy planning it.
Yesterday is a prime example of control for me. I got falling down drunk, blacked out, safely got home, but I wanted control the whole time. In acting class they taught us to resist the action of being drunk as it is more entertaining seeing someone trying not to be drunk. That was I last night, in front of my dear friends who are family to me. A tight knit family at that.
I seek that control yet; I make choices that fly in the face of it. I am not sure why. Trying to control drinking is truly hilarious. Yet there I was trying to control it. I woke up in the middle of the night wondering what I left in my wake of literally being falling down drunk. I remember not being able to walk very well for some reason.
Yet, as I listen to Abraham Hicks this morning after journaling & meditating about control, a lot, life is all in the letting go of control.
As I continue my journey, I am peeling away these truths about myself, wanting to control people’s perception of me (even when I am drunk no less), controlling how people act and react. It’s not a good look and yes I am working on it. I am still clinging to my current self, the one I’ve manifested for 53 years. That self is trying to hold on and I am trying to get to Kelly 2.0. All of that resistance is slowly turning to dust. Letting go of control does that for you and I’m championing that for myself.
One last thing: if you are ever in a bad mood, me a lot lately, say “Thank You” 7 times out loud in a row and watch your mood and energy and vibration change.
I am grateful I’ve manifested this dark time in my life as it is teaching me about control, letting go, and flowing through in life.