Attracting the right mate

Relationships.  Attract don’t chase.   Right? Right!

As a mindset coach I have to coach myself.  In doing so, I have to see myself from above, including watching my actions, watching my thoughts.  It’s what I teach and it’s what I do in my own life. 

To attract the right mate, which for me lately, seems to be an unspoken priority, I have to see myself as 3 people.  I know, what are you talking about dude?

Well I have to watch myself and see which one of me is attracted to that woman? Lately I’ve fallen short.  I told someone I really liked her.  I got a white heart.  No clue what that means.  

So who are these 3 people? For me they are my 8 years old self. That one got his heart broken by his mom.  Crushed actually.  My therapist said it was like a death. I’ve processed it as such.  8 year old me wants a nurturer, a loving kind woman, in short a mom.  Makes sense right?

8 year old

So who are the other 2?

The next one is my 18 year old self.  Yes that one.  The horny teenager. The one who wants and desires sex. I see a woman who I desire and I go for it.  That never ends well.  I have had the great lover, the proverbial Barbie doll.  It never works out.  

18 year old me

Now for the 3rd.  That’s me in my current state.

Current me

 I am an intellectual man, spiritually seeking truth man, lover of sports, mindset coach, podcaster, tarot reader, and other things.  That’s who I want to attract back to me.  A woman like that who is a seeker and of course the opposite of me as well. Opposites attract.  Can she have nurturing? Sure! Can she be great in bed? Sure.  But who I want to attract is someone on my intellectual level because I am a sapiosexual.  Yeah it’s really not a word but it means something to me.  It means intellectual conversation turns me on. 

Do we have to be attracted physically? Yes.  Absolutely!!! Physical chemistry cannot be faked on either side.  

But what I am learning from all this is to watch my mindset when I am attracted to a woman.  I got mad at my 8 year old self for interfering lately.  I’m working on that.  My 18 year old self gets in the way easily and that, for me, is a bigger challenge.  But I’m working on it. 

All of that means I have to make peace with my 8 year old self, my 18 year old self, to allow space for my current self.  

They have to know and trust that their needs will get met with or without a woman in my life.  I am nurturing my 8 year old self.   He still has some deep unresolved anger issues to work on.  My 18 year old self, well that’s self explanatory.  I’ve never had a wild sex life so he still want to sew his seed.   

For us, we should recognize these things in ourselves, continue to heal them, that we can attract the mate of our dreams.  

After all it is attract, don’t chase.  Sorry 18 year old Kelly there is no chasing involved.