10 Ways to Choose Yourself
Treat yourself as sacred.
If you do not value yourself how can you help others choose themselves. Choosing themselves is about being a sacred being amongst you. If you show that you treat yourself as sacred, they will follow in line. This is totally action based whether it’s your diet, your exercise, your spiritual life or all the above.
Speak Your Authentic Truth
A mantra of mine but it applies here. What does it mean to choose yourself? It means you value who you are, that your happiness is not contingent upon external forces. An inner peace and connection to yourself mean you can speak your authentic truth. I’ll give a clear example in the best way possible. Speaking authentically is about your action not your words. For instance, if I see a girl who is pretty in Hollywood, my actions may be totally based on her looks. In other words, I am not being truly authentic. I am talking to her because she’s pretty. That’s not speaking or living my authentic truth.
Be an accountability partner. As a person with severe trust issues, this is a key component to my success. I have to have someone to help me along the way. I HAVE to do the work but they help me be accountable to me. Now for me, it’s hard to trust people because I may or may not want more than they can give. That equilibrium imbalance is on me, not them. Anyway, I have to trust I have someone that has my well being in mind but I have to do the work on those accountability actions each week.
Trust in yourself
Trust that your instincts are right. If they aren’t then honestly it’s one of two things, they were wrong or you weren’t being truly authentic. For me usually it’s the latter. If they were wrong, pick up the pieces and move on. There’s a lesson for you there. This is my challenge for sure because I’m afraid to fail. I was married once and my best buddy at work was my future wife’s best friend. I knew she was going to say yes when I popped the question. I was afraid to fail in that question. Knowing what I know now, that was doomed. However, I learned valuable life lessons about myself through those 8 years. My instincts said she was going to say yes, but I had to have that verification. Trust and be willing to fail. Einstein said, and I paraphrase, I didn’t succeed, I failed 999 times. Think about that. I have to every day as I embark on each adventure.
The best set of intentions is the “Bill of Rights” that James Altucher has given us.
Those are awesome. Myself, I have recorded a set of intentions on my smartphone whereby I read out a question and I answer them out loud every day. For example:
Kelly, will you live your truth today?
I reply: Yes, I will live and speak my authentic truth today.
The key word is today at the end. It makes it present and applicable to today.
Choosing yourself means connecting to your inner being. I believe in meditation as it pushes the focus inwards. Too often we are focused outward towards others and things. Meditation is a great way to focus inwards. I’ve only been meditating for about a year now. I notice the difference when I meditate and when I don’t. Don’t put restrictions on it. I used to beat myself up if thoughts came into my brain while trying to meditate. I just allow them, push them aside and continue on. Moreover, find a mantra for your mediation. For me this is a saying that you recite over and over in your head while the rest of your brain shuts off. Google these as there are plenty. Repetition over and over of the mantra helps focus and you will be surprised at the results. There are mantras out there for all types of things, so find one that meets your needs. Also, you can download meditation music on your smart phone. I’ve done that, created a playlist on my smartphone. For my iphone, there’s a setting whereby I can set the timer for the time limit and way at the bottom it says “stop playing”. It’ll stop at the end of the meditation. For me, I also put my phone in airplane mode while meditation, thus reducing the interruptions.
The Power of No by James and Claudia Altucher is a great book! There are many great ways to empower you and choose yourself. What it boils down to for me, is setting boundaries with yourself. Setting your own boundaries means you treat yourself as sacred, you value your worth and you choose what makes you happy. Saying no means saying no to family who want stuff from you that doesn’t bring you happiness. Family and friends can be the most toxic people you have in your life. Saying “no” means not being around those toxic people. It’s like they haven’t seen the power of choosing yourself and saying no. I like this to messages. In my personal life there have been messages that have been given me by friends, coaches and networking connections. I heard those messages. I nodded to those messages but I didn’t understand and take to my heart and soul those messages. Saying no to toxic people means you know what they are asking but you know that message isn’t good for you right away. They aren’t going to understand you are choosing yourself; you are not rejecting them by saying no. It’s scary for sure, but it’s about those boundaries, treating you as sacred and choosing yourself.
It’s very simple really. Elevating others elevates yourself. Elevate yourself and you are choosing yourself. I love this premise and repeat it out loud at meet-ups I attend. Be a champion to someone, see the positive in their work. If they are doubting or having poor self talk, elevate them. Lift their spirits up. For me, I’ve done this in my former career a lot. I worked in IT (Information Technology) for 25 years from the dumb terminal days to the internet days. I’ve seen a lot of change in technology. I have constantly elevated other’s work to help them take pride in their job whether or not I was their leader. I deflect their misgivings to show that I had the same misgivings or problem they had to show my vulnerability in that situation. I do it now with my friends. We are all human. We are prone to make mistakes. Elevate others when this happens means we lift them up and realize they are human.
Fall In Love with your life
A mantra I say every day out loud. Be in the now so you can choose yourself. You are the focal point of your life, be in love with that. Find ways to focus on things that choose you. You choose yourself when you put on that favorite outfit that makes you feel like a king or queen. For me, that’s my suit. It’s like armor for me. You choose yourself when you have your furniture set up a certain way. Fall in love with all these choices you made to see that you have a life to fall in love with.
One of my favorite pick-me-up exercises is my gratitude journal. I picked this trick up from a blog post by Claudia Altucher. I write in my journal a lot when I need a pick me up. Why, because here’s how I frame the entry.
I am grateful for oxygen now.
Structure is “I am grateful for ______ now.” Add the word now makes that gratefulness in the present moment. I add things that I want in my life too that haven’t yet happened.
“I am grateful for my girlfriend now.”
When I write that I get happy. I list everything from oxygen, to my own mother in my grateful journal. Usually, my cat Darwin is on my lap when I write it, purring. I love that. I am grateful for it.
Awareness means being present and focused on and in the moment. I have become very aware of my thoughts. Even when I’ve had a few drinks I am aware of my thoughts, keeping an internal journal of my actions and my thoughts. Being very aware of each thought is key as you go from thought to thought, moment to moment. When you are aware of your thoughts, you are choosing to focus on yourself. Your brain becomes wired in your present moments and not worrying about that bill that needs to be paid next month. Each day becomes a miracle. My mom always said, “if you look hard enough, you can find miracles every day”. Awareness means you can see those miracles every day as you are slowing down your brain, frame by frame.
I hope any or all of these helps you choose yourself better each day, each moment. As always, when I write, I write for myself as much as others. This blog is yet another exercise for myself in writing and choosing myself. Much love and peace.